Steven Bauer
Gender: Male
Series: Stupid Mario Brothers
Home World: Real World
Allies: Link
Enemies: Sage
Debut: Man is protected from what lies beneath
Conclusion: Blood Money
Status: Deceased
Portrayer: Dane Cook
"You see, that's the problem with you Link: you think you're so above everyone else. But you'll never be as strong as Mario, or as cunning as Wario, or as smart as Luigi, or as fast as[...]"
—Steven Bauer speaks with Link after revealing his true motives, Blood Money

Steven Bauer was the shady figure who came to help Link on his quest for the Artifact in the third season of Stupid Mario Brothers. Not long after he joins Link, it is revealed that he works for Shadow Mario and planned to kill Link once he finds the Artifact in exchange for money.

Steven appeared as the tertiary antagonist of Season Three.



Very little is known about Steven's past.

Originally, he was hired by the Darkness to help Link find the Artifact and kill him once he finds it. Steven's reward would them be $1,000.

Season ThreeEdit

Before Link can head off to return to Hyrule, Steven stops him on the battlefield. He tells Link that he was sent to help him find the Artifact. When Link asks him who sent him, he tells him he doesn't remember and that the only thing he knows about the Artifact is that it is at a point where man is protected by what lies beneath. Link wants to search for it alone, but Steven insists that he comes along. ("Man is protected from what lies beneath")

After searching the area, Steven suggests they look beyond Mario's property but Link believes it's close by. He thinks that the dream he received was a message telling him that where he was stuck in the dream must be where the Artifact is. Link tells him that he was stuck beyond the forest. Steven wants to hurry up and find the entrance and Link begins to question him. Bauer reminds him he doesn't know about the Artifact or who was the man that sent him. He points out the way into the woods and gets angered when Link mentions it may take awhile to get there. ("Something Crazy This Way Comes")

Once they enter the Clearing, Link tells Steven to start looking for the Artifact. Coconut is placed in a patch of grass while Link looks for some water. Soon, Steven is confronted by Shadow Mario. He informs him that they have yet to find it and Shadow Mario points out that he can feel it's presence and it must be near by. Shadow Mario tells him that the dream he gave Link would have led him right to the Artifact, but the Coconut woke him up. Bauer offers to destroy it, but Shadow Mario doesn't find it necessary. He mentions the money and Shadow Mario tells him that he will pay him once he finds the Artifact. ("Regeneration")

Link returns from his quest for water and Bauer wants him to start looking. When Link wants to take a break, Steven demands that he begins to search for it. Steven then continues looking and Link hears Coconut talk. After overhearing their conversation, Coconut tells Link of Steven's plan to kill him.

Angered by his revelation, Link approaches Steve and tells him that he's figured out his plan. Steven tells Link that he is going to kill him for $1,000, and he then tells Link how inferior he is to Mario, Luigi, and all the others. Upset, Link asks Steve what else he knows about him and he begins to tell him that Zelda doesn't love him and that Hyrule doesn't respect him. Link sees through his mental attack plan, and the two fight. Steven punches Link several times, but Link knocks him to the ground. Steven tells Link to "Go to hell," to which Link responds, "You first." He unsheathes the Master Sword and plunges it into Steven's chest, killing him. ("Blood Money")

In a conversation with Nox Decious, The Darkness mentions that Steven Bauer was the only one who knew what he looked like before he was killed (or as he puts it, "disposed of"). ("The End of the Beginning")


Steven is usually mellow, yet impatient. Anything he wants he wants done right away. He usually questions others actions, and tries to act like the boss anytime he can.


Steven is an assassin, and can easily kill any target he goes after. He can also fight hand-to-hand combat as well.


  • According to Rich Alvarez, Dane had been asking to play a different character for a long time. Eventually Rich came up with the original Steve character, and asked Dane to play him.
  • Although Steven Bauer is an original character, his name is also the name of a famous Actor: [1]
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